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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29920830">Introspection</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaoruhana/pseuds/kaoruhana'>kaoruhana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Iruka Week 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>But really Iruka is just overworked and stressed and cares for the Kids in the Academy, Iruka Week, Iruka grows older and reflects on life, POV Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka-centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:01:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29920830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaoruhana/pseuds/kaoruhana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka muses on the fact that the kids he once knew as pre-genin at the academy are all grown up, getting married, and starting their own families.  He tells himself that he’ll find someone to settle down with too.  Except, that’s easier said than done with his already packed schedule which becomes even busier when the Rokudaime gives him one more task to do.  But Iruka doesn’t care.  Not when it’s all for the kids anyway.  </p><p>Posted for Iruka Week 2021.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/ Maito Gai (Implied</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Iruka Week 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Iruka Week 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Introspection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, in the 11 or so years I've been writing fanfiction, I've never written anything in the Naruto fandom.<br/>I've read so much Naruto fanfiction though, and I have kind of fallen in love with Iruka-sensei, more so as I binge Naruto again and cram my life with Iruka-centric fics.  There's a real depth to the character that I feel can be explored.  </p><p>Anyway, that said, I hope you enjoy this little introspection into Iruka's life.  </p><p>The idea for the fic came from the scene where Iruka, after agreeing to represent Naruto's dad/family at his wedding, muses that he would like to find a life partner too.    </p><p>Quick cultural reference: Wagashi are traditional Japanese sweets served with tea.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iruka pretended that there were no tears in his eyes, though he knew he was failing miserably (his rapid blinking was likely a giveaway), as Naruto and Hinata waved everyone off before they left on their honeymoon.  It was bittersweet to see them go away.  He was happy for Naruto and Hinata, glad that they got their happy ending.  But this was Naruto, the brat that he had practically helped raise (to an extent) and for one selfish moment, Iruka wanted that kid back.  </p><p>To think, that the boy—no man, now—that he considered his younger brother was now married and starting a family of his own.  It made him feel old, and just a little left behind.  Though, it also made him feel proud to be able to see Naruto the way he was today.  Especially when he still remembered that the man who had just left on his honeymoon with his new wife was the same brat who had once painted the faces on the Hokage Mountain as a prank. </p><p>“They grow up so fast don’t they?”  A voice said next to him.  </p><p>Iruka started for a minute, inwardly berating himself for acting this way even though he was a shinobi.  And he was the one teaching the youngest generations to hone their skills as a shinobi?  Turning to face the source of his voice, he encountered Kakashi-san’s masked face.  </p><p>“I’m happy for him.”  Iruka murmured after a beat of silence not ready to tell the Rokudaime what he had really been thinking.  For some reason, he wanted to keep his real thoughts private.  </p><p>Though he suspected that it was futile since Kakashi-san likely knew what he was thinking anyway.  And didn’t that just make Iruka all the more annoyed at his apparent transparency?  </p><p>The Rokudaime didn’t say anything further, and Iruka was grateful for the silence.  He wasn’t interested in talking anymore.  Rather, a sudden melancholy had seemed to creep on him.  He wanted nothing more than to go home to his small studio apartment where he could hang up the outfit he had bought for this occasion and look over the lesson plans for the next day.  </p><p>“You seem like you would like to go home Iruka-sensei.”  The Rokudaime stated eyes assessing him carefully.  For a brief moment Iruka felt like Kakashi-san could understand how he felt—was he really that transparent?  </p><p>The thought that his feelings were so clearly displayed for others to see scared him.  </p><p>And again, it annoyed him.  Couldn’t he just get one moment to sink into melancholy in private solitude?  Granted, he was at a wedding, but he figured if the Rokudaime could read him so easily, he would understand Iruka’s need for solitude.  Only, the man didn’t budge.  </p><p>Finally, he sighed, deciding that engaging Kakashi-san in conversation was what he was resigned to.  Even if he really did want to return home.  “Perhaps I am getting old.”  He managed after a while tearing his eyes away and looking around the milling crowd.  “Or maybe it’s just a bit of nostalgia creeping up on me.”  </p><p>He didn’t say anything further, and Kakashi-san didn’t either.  The two stood silently as the wedding guests mingled with each other until such time someone would shoo them home.  Belatedly, Iruka was glad he was not the person assigned to that task.  </p><p>From where he stood, Iruka had a clear view of all the guests who attended the weeding.  Seeing the students he had taught making their own paths in life and building their own families reminded him of the fact that he had yet to find anyone when he was past his prime.  Those students had grown so much after leaving his tutelage, and while he couldn’t say they were his kids, sometimes it felt that way to him.  Because once upon a time, he had been tasked with taking care of them, of teaching them about life as a shinobi, of watching them grow from small excitable children to the strong shinobi he knew they all were.  </p><p>After all, he had been one of the first to encourage them and teach them the valuable life lessons they needed and still used today.  </p><p>As Iruka watched the wedding guests mingle and relax, he wondered if this was what it felt like when parents watched their children grow up in front of them and eventually move away.  If so, he wasn’t thrilled about the future.  </p><p>He didn’t want to continue to feel this way.  </p><p>“Iruka-sensei!”  Lee beamed his smile at him as he came up with Gai, his hands tight around the handles of Gai’s wheelchair and pulling Iruka out of his thoughts.  “Are you enjoying yourself at this most spectacular wedding?”  </p><p>Iruka found himself smiling, Lee’s enthusiasm as infectious as his mentor’s.  “I…yes.”  He sighed wistfully, folding his arms into the sleeves of his haori.  He had been enjoying the wedding until his thoughts had snuck up on him.  “But I think I’m tired so perhaps I’ll go home now.”  </p><p>The excuse seemed lame to even his own ears and he wondered when he became this old depressed man.  The role was supposed to be taken by the man next to him.  It felt uncomfortable, and he felt like a stranger in his own skin.    </p><p>Gai-san’s eyes softened, the veteran shinobi pushing himself away from Lee and closer to Iruka to look at him better.  Iruka wasn’t sure how he felt when Gai-san’s sole attention focused on him.  He had never been under the veteran’s attention in such a way, and it was discomforting.  </p><p>“Never fear Iruka-sensei,” Gai-san stated with a beaming smile ignoring Iruka’s discomfort as though he didn’t notice it, “our students may grow and surpass us, but we should take this as an opportunity to grow ourselves.  After all, who knows what we will learn from the power of youth!” Gai-san ended his mini-speech with a raised fist.  </p><p>Iruka stared long and hard at Gai-san for a moment, not sure whether to feel glad that Gai-san understood or horrified that he was so transparent.  How did Gai-san and Kakashi-san see through him so easily?  Next to him, he heard the Rokudaime laugh under his breath.  While he was a little miffed that he was the source of the man’s amusement, he found that he couldn’t help but let out a smile of his own in response to Gai’s statement as the words started to sink in.  </p><p>Perhaps Gai-san was right, and instead of feeling melancholy, he could use this chance to learn from the kids he had taught.  Hadn’t he promised himself that he would find himself his own partner to spend the rest of his life with?  Someone to wake up to, someone to come home to, someone who he could rely on.  </p><p>Maybe, he could take a page from Naruto’s book and actually do something about his love life for once.  </p><p>Except, six months later, Iruka thought that was easier said than done.  </p><p>It wasn’t that Iruka was someone who couldn’t get laid or find someone to go out with.  The numerous relationships and one-night stands he had told him otherwise.  It was more so that Iruka was just too damn tired on most days to do anything but make himself something resembling food (he still remembered the weird tasting miso soup from two days ago) before collapsing into bed.  </p><p>Honestly, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had gone out with his friends.  </p><p>He made a face as he realized that meant his last social outing was likely Kotetsu’s birthday in July three months ago.    </p><p>Sighing, Iruka tossed his satchel onto the floor by his bed and toed off in his shoes in the tiny entryway to his shoebox of an apartment and pushed thoughts of his non-existent love life away to focus on other things.  </p><p>Namely the fact that he really needed a shower today especially when he could have done with one hours ago.  He wasn’t exactly sure what that substance on Ami-chan was, nor did he want to know how it came to be on her person or exactly why it was so sticky.  He just knew that the sooner he got out of the clothes he’d worn that day—clothes to which the substance had attached— the better things would be for him.  </p><p>Ten minutes later, cleaner, less sticky, and a little less stressed after a hot shower, Iruka wiped the bathroom mirror of steam to take a look at his face.  </p><p>He wasn’t the best-looking man, he knew, but Iruka was proud of his looks.  He was still fit, and slender, even now when he was pushing his mid-thirties, despite the crazy sleep schedules he kept and the overwhelming mount of paperwork that took over his life on a daily basis.  But the stress lines on his face were aging him faster than he would like, and he grimaced at the crow’s feet that were getting more pronounced each day.  </p><p>And then there were the scars.  </p><p>Like most shinobi, Iruka’s body wasn’t immune from scars.  There was the prominent one on his nose that he’d had since as far back as he could remember.  (His parents, when they were still alive, had once told him that it was the result of an unfortunate incident with a tree when he was a toddler).  Then there were the nicks and scrapes that had faded into scars on his hands from repeated practice with weapons and teaching young children with less sturdy coordination skills the proper way to use them.  And finally, there was the prominent one on his back, the one he was actually the proudest of, if one could be proud of an injury.  </p><p>He would always be glad for acting as he did that day and saving Naruto, despite the injury that resulted.  It had been painful (exceedingly painful and there were days Iruka wondered how he hadn’t passed out from the pain immediately that night), and the physical therapy he had gone through post healing was one of the hardest things he had ever done.  But he had survived, and he had gone on to watch Naruto grow, and he had put it all behind him.  </p><p>It didn’t mean that there weren’t some days his back ached from a painful phantom reminder of pain.  Or that he sometimes wished that there was someone there to hold him and tell him that they understood why Iruka was so proud of that scar when there were so many others dotting his skin.   </p><p>Shaking his head from those thoughts, Iruka made his way out of the bathroom to the small chest of drawers where he kept his clothing.  Or, he would have, if there wasn’t a masked Anbu perched on the fake balcony outside his window who was staring at him.  </p><p>Iruka was many, many things.  </p><p>But, he was not the most even-tempered of shinobi, and the sight of an Anbu on his fake balcony, when Iruka was clad in nothing but a towel (wrapped around his waist to at least preserve some of his modesty thank you) with his hair still dripping wet from his recent shower set him off.  </p><p>The Anbu did leap away before the kunai Iruka threw hit him, ducking out of sight somewhere.  (Later Iruka would be thankful that his actions didn’t result in retaliation, and he would blame his actions on his own sleep-deprived, overworked and overstressed state).  But at the current moment, frustrated, and stressed again, because the sight of Anbu meant only one thing, Iruka stomped his way to his dresser, pulling out the first pair of decent clothing he saw: a pair of comfortable sweats and a jonin sweater from a past lover that he had kept with him after the relationship ended because it was much too comfortable to throw out.  </p><p>By the time he was dressed, the Anbu was back, and Iruka glared at the cat mask with a unique pattern of green and red decorations as he tied his hitai ate around his head.  </p><p>“What does he want now?”  Iruka asked turning his back to the Anbu (not a wise thing to do in most cases, but Iruka had faith that the Anbu hadn’t been sent to stab him in the back) to pull his sandals on roughly.  </p><p>The Anbu didn’t reply, not that Iruka cared really, he was just really really annoyed.  </p><p>The Rokudaime knew he was stressed.  He knew that Iruka had taken on the head teaching duties at the Academy and was supervising the newest batch of teachers, and had so much paperwork to do before his shift tomorrow at the mission desk.  But no, the masked pervert (and Iruka refused to think of him as anything but that right now, annoyed at him as he was) just had to call him over on some stupid measly errand for who knows what.  </p><p>One of these days, Iruka was sure that he was going to wind up in front of Ibiki-san answering the question: “And just why did you feel the need to strangle the Hokage today, Umino-san?”  </p><p>“Tell him I’m on my way.”  Iruka announced, opening his door to leave.  He didn’t hear any sounds behind him but knew that the Anbu had left to relay the message to the Rokudaime.  </p><p>As he made his way down the streets of Konoha (Kakashi-san, Rokudaime or not, could wait for a while) Iruka mused that he really didn’t mind helping Kakashi-san out.  Not when it involved Naruto, and not when the Rokudaime usually called him to ask him for input on how best to train the person who everyone knew would be the Nanadaime as soon as Kakashi-san could step down.  And he actually wasn’t too angry at being called out to help Kakashi-san this time as well.  </p><p>But he was getting tired, and even for someone who loved to help others and do things, and keep busy, Iruka longed for days off.  And a vacation.  Or perhaps a day where he just laid out under the shade of one of Konoha’s many trees on a warm, sunny day with a large assortment of wagashi next to him to satisfy his sweet tooth.  </p><p>Today, just wasn’t that day.  </p><p>When he finally made it to the Hokage’s office, Kakashi was leaning back in his chair, his favorite reading material in his hand. Next to him, Gai-san sat in his wheelchair silent for once.  Though, the smile on Gai-san’s face was putting Iruka on his guard.  Something told him that he should be wary of it. </p><p>“Ah, Iruka-sensei, you’re finally here.”  The Rokudaime put his book down as soon as Iruka entered, a smile on his face and the edges of his eyes crinkling to reflect it.  “Now that you are, I was wondering if I could ask something of you.”  </p><p>Iruka sat down in the chair in front of the Hokage desk curious, despite himself, to see what Kakashi-san had to say.  </p><p>Already, this was different from their normal “I need help with Naruto-kun” routine.  For one, Gai-san was present when he had never been before.  And then there was the fact that Kakashi was actually asking him for a favor. </p><p>He had never phrased his “I need help with Naruto-kun” requests in that way.  </p><p>“I’ve been talking with the principal of the Academy recently,” the Rokudaime started as soon as he knew he had Iruka’s attention, “and he was telling me about the fact that there seem to be too many students for the Academy teachers to keep up with.”  Iruka nodded.  That much was true, but there was only so much that could be done about it.  “After speaking with him further, I proposed a solution.”  </p><p>“A solution?”  Iruka asked after a beat of silence, suddenly having a very bad feeling of where this conversation was going.  Gai-san’s smile had yet to fade which made Iruka all the more wary.  </p><p>Why did he have a feeling that the favor had to do with the Academy?  And why did he start seeing his dream of a date with wagashi slipping through his fingers?  </p><p>“Hmm, yes.”  Kakashi-san waved a hand dismissively as though he was batting Iruka’s dreams further away.  (It was one day, Iruka thought morosely; one blissful day was all he was asking for).  “I’ve been told that the Academy could use a decent Taijutsu instuctor, and I happen to know just the right person for the job.  The principal seems to agree with me, though he did ask that I have an experienced teacher work with this new instructor to tell him a little about the Academy before the new school season starts.”</p><p>Kakashi-san pointedly looked at him and waited for Iruka to reply.  </p><p>On his part, overworked and tired as he was, Iruka just sat there in silence trying to make some sense of what he had heard so far.  He would be the first to admit that it would be blissful, a godsend even, if the Academy was actually able to get a new instructor.  Even if it was for just one class like Taijutsu, it would free up the time for the other teachers and just make his life, and that of his colleagues, easier.  He also knows (even if Gai-san’s face wasn’t announcing already that he was going to be the new instructor) that having Gai-san lead this class would be amazing.  </p><p>The ex-shinobi is someone that Iruka respects immensely and he can’t think of anyone better to teach the youngest generation of pre-Genin one of the most important things they will need to learn.  </p><p>But that is when his brain catches up to the latter part of the Rokudaime’s spiel.  The Principal wanted someone to teach Gai-san the ropes; he wanted an experienced teacher to tell Gai-san what to do before the new school year started.  </p><p>The new school year started in April.  </p><p>It was now October, and Iruka was in for the winter term, one of the busiest times of the school season (he suspected it was the fact that the senseis like himself gave numerous quizzes and tests that made it so).  And he was supposed to teach someone—well, mentor them—while juggling his new head teacher duties and everything else like his shifts at the mission desk and the random visits he made at all times of day to help the Rokudaime with his “I need help with Naruto-kun” requests.  </p><p>And he knew it was him that Kakashi-san and the Principal had referred to because he was the most senior member on staff at the Academy.  </p><p>Oh, dear Hokages, Iruka thought.  He could just see it now: more paperwork, more hours in the academy, more time away from that vacation Iruka now thought of as merely a distant goal that he could only hope might at least be available upon his retirement.  He wanted to refuse the offer, wanted to tell the Rokudaime that he could find someone else to teach Gai-san the ropes thank you very much, but he couldn’t.  </p><p>Damn him.  </p><p>He’d always kept the Sandaime’s words in his heart, used that as his own nindo of sorts, and he knew that meant he would agree to this proposal because he cared.  He cared so much for the children in the Academy and he would give anything for them to succeed.  Including more than a few sleepless nights and headaches caused from spending hours poring over homework and various other Academy related paperwork.    </p><p>He sighed, hands coming up to rub the bridge of his nose.  </p><p>So much for a social life and trying to learn from Naruto and get his own love life started.  He might as well just get used to being best friends with paperwork and his desk.  </p><p>“When do I start?”  He asked with a resigned sigh lifting his head up to meet the Hokage’s gaze.  </p><p>And then promptly wondered if it was too late to get out of this job when Kakashi-san’s smile grew just a little wicked and Gai-san’s enthusiastic “Yosh!” was enough to break his eardrums.  </p><p>It’s for the kids he reminded himself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos/comments are much appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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